A Place for my Head: July 2005

Sunday, July 31, 2005

it striked again!!

O, I failed to mention in my previous post that all my colleagues are either in their mid 30s or mid 50s and all of them are either married or no longer available. sob.. bad news for me huh?? on the other hand, even if there are any colleagues who are still single and available, personally, i dont think they are my cup of tea. if you guys know what i mean. hehe...
BUT, i've successfully spotted a few young and cute caucasians around the factory. I think they are around their 20s probably... Maybe i should start communicating with them and try to get to know them better and who knows.. maybe meet up for lunch.. then dinner... then.... ahha.. just kidding.... i'm not a person who do such a thing... rEALLY!!

other than that, my life at contraves is ok.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

the overdued post...

hey guess what? after months of contemplating on my fate of the possibility and likelihood of me remaining unemployed for another year or so... then beyond my wildest expectations…. KABOOM.... I’ve got a job... well... the whole job thing was kinda surprising and shocking... as I didn’t expect to be offered a job on the spot!! well.. before you guys open your eyes wide and let your mouths hang open...well... let's just say that the reason I managed to obtain this job instantly was because the HR manager of that company is my mum's close friend.. ah... sounds familiar? CONNECTIONS is the key my friends ... CONNECTIONS.... and of course with a little bit of luck and a little bit of impressive answers given during the interview. And I guess the HR manager was impressed with my answers. She asked me a few questions, which are relevant to my degree, and I’m astounded to know that I could actually answer those questions really well. As prior to this interview. I have to say that I fared quite badly in those previous interviews… I guess it was because I suffered from nerve attack or somethin’ and I was not confident at all. This time around, I was more relax and a little bit more confident. I think. I’m also kind of surprise that all those information are still in my already jam packed brain...well, honestly i crapped all the way. Thank goodness that for the first time in my life, all my crap talking was finally put to good use. haha.
anyways, I’m currently working at a Swiss company called Contraves Advanced Devices Sdn. Bhd (Contraves Space). It’s located at the Free Trade Zone in Batu Berendam, Malacca. Well, it’s around Infineon and National semiconductor. My working hours are Monday to Friday, from 7.50a.m. to 5.25pm, albeit my supervisor told me that he expects me to stay till around 6.30pm or 7pm like everyone else. Damn. And I will not be paid for those exra hours. How sad is that? My breakfast break is at 10a.m (15mins) and my lunch break is at 1pm(30mins). O, an interesting info, both breakfast and lunch will be provided. Cool huh? But then again, don’t expect good food ler….and of course, when you are served free meals, you should not complain right? The food might not be of the highest quality but it’s edible. I’m yet to suffer from food poisoning though… just a little insight on what they have served so far.

1st day
Breakfast- Fried kuay teow
Lunch- rice with veggies and prawns

2nd day
Breakfast- rojak
Lunch- rice with veggies and fish( sambal kembung), though I didn’t eat the fish after my first bite.. cozz it had a very er fishy taste..

3rd day
Breakfast- roti john’s contents wrapped with roti canai… how weird is that…. The taste was ok…though
Lunch-the usual stuff.

*just a little reminder to my fellow readers out there, whenever you complained about how life can be unfair sometimes, or your life suck or things aint going the way that you wanted or that your mum’s cooking is lousy or that your mum prepared too little dish for meals or how you wished that you can tuck in 5 course meals everyday…or how you wished that you have a Mercedes benz s-class, or a bmw 5 series, or a jetplane, or a castle, or maybe how you wished that you’re Donald trump or bill gates or the queen of England….. well, before you even think of whinning about how your life suck and on lousy and unsatisfactory food served before your eyes…take a minute to think of the millions of African kids on the other side of the globe, with no food at all, no clean water to drink, no shelter over their heads, sleeping on the streets.. no clothes to wear, kids with no proper and adequate medical care..and kids who drank stone soups for their meals…yeah stone soups are soups which your main and only ingredients are stones or ate mudpies for dinner, or kids who ate nothing at all, and go to bed with empty and bloated stomachs everynight. Babies who suckled on their mum’s immensely small and shrunken breasts and I doubt there would be any milk left in there. Kids who are swarmed with flies 24/7, kids who are waiting for their time to come, their short life to end, waiting on their deathbeds, praying for help to arrive, though sometimes it seemed like their prayers went unanswered...praying for some good soul to save their lives… or perhaps maybe angels??and even after the live8 concert, a concert organized by a few countries to pressurize the 8 most powerful leaders in the world to make a change in Africa, to ensure that poverty is eradicated for good,to cancel all debts..…though, very little change can be seen…or maybe those leaders did send truckloads of aids there but certain parties in Africa stole it and used it for their own personal use….and most of these thieves are mostly consists of the people with power.May God condemn these heartless and cold creatures to the hot and ever boiling depths of hell….
Ok, I’m getting a little carried away. Haha.. yeah… so dig that my fellow, readers dig that…that’s the truth that sometimes we, the lucky ones who have everything in the world, family, friends, shelter, food, car, clothes and a few additional comforts of life, took for granted. Why don’t you try to think out of the box for a few seconds, and try to be in those kids' shoes, what if we are those kids? Kids who will never live past the age of 3 or maybe 2? Kids who’ll never ever get the chance to enjoy the beauty and wonders of life? kids who never had a decent meal and a warm bed to sleep in since the day they were born? All I’m trying to emphasize here is that be THANKFUL and GRATEFUL with whatever that you are blessed with. and stop whinning about life… take life as it is… though sometimes life can be a real pain in the ass sometimes…haha….* So before you start whinning your asses off.. think of what you already have and already achieved and what don’t they have….. and what they'll never achieve.
well, it's not like i dont whine about my life at all. in fact i do whine about my life quite frequently as well. muahahaha... well, just try not too.

I was supposed to work in the HR department but since the materials planning and purchasing department is in dire needs of assistance, therefore, I’m currently assigned to that department. I’m given my own desk… DESK, not room haaaha.. well.. the whole department is basically just a room with desks around… there are no walls to divide us at all… I guess the reason why they didn’t install those partitions in the first place is because they encourage teamwork and they want us to work as one, as a team, and not as individuals. I’ll be given a desktop PC….in the coming weeks and I’ll be taught how to use the materials and inventory planning and purchasing system. My supervisor just showed and explained briefly what the entire system is about for about half and hour and after that, he asked me whether I understood what he had just explained and I remained quite for about 30 seconds and I just gave him the “ I don’t have the slightest idea” kinda look and I sort of just shrugged my shoulders and gave him a feeble smile. I guess that explains it all.. haha..Luckily he was understanding and he told me that he’ll explain it to me again when I get my pc. So, he’s cool about it. Damn, that certainly was a close call. And I thought that I’ll be fired on my first day itself… then I bet I’ll make it into the Malaysian book of records!. And I’ll be famous….

Well, since I’m yet to receive my pc, all I do and will continue doing till I get my pc that is…. in that department is:
1) Offset the Incoming Reports(IR) with the Purchase Orders(P.O.)- something which I deemed as easy but a little confusing. It’s quite easy actually, because it’s a little like accounts, so, it’s cool.
2) Filing
3) Fax purchase orders to customers all over the globe, be it china or the U.K.
4) And calling and bugging the hell out of the suppliers to speed up their supplies to our warehouse.
5) and converting all the price of the goods from U.S. dollar to different currencies, such as swiss franc, euro, aussie dollar, pounds and many others.

My subordinates are a bunch of very friendly and helpful people, thus far, and I’ve even found a Manchester united fan in my department already!! I Like!! Eventhough, i've heard lots of stories about office politics and the backstabbers, I shall remain optimistic and give my colleagues the benefit of the doubt. however, one theory stands strong, NEVER trust anyone in the office... You wont know who are friends or who are foes...so, i'll just have to be vigilant at all times and watch my back. well, at least, that was what my cousin told me. hahha...
The bathroom is damn weird, the management sort of have an auto off cum energy saver device where the toilet’s lights will turn off by itself every 8 mins!! And the bloody lights turned off when I was attending to my nature calls, today,TWICE!! At first I thought, who the hell is playing pranks on me and it's a company not high school, and we are supposedly mature adults… and I was cursing at that culprit until I learnt of the toilet device thingy… haha.. Luckily i didnt scream " turn the bloody lights on, you toot!". my human resource manager's office is just directly opposite of the toilet and if i were to utter those few words and if she happened to be around, needless to say, i'll be so dead.

On a lighter note, people always say that bad luck comes in threes right? Well, in my case, it’s fours….
Well, first I almost fell when I was on my way to the cafeteria, then, after grabbing my plate of fried kuey teow in one hand and tea in another, and was walking to the table, I slipped and almost fell again, and my tea splattered all over the floor but I couldn’t care less and just continued walking anyways with my empty cup. hahha. And I swear that people around me were trying very hard not to laugh…fine… and as I was walking back to my department, I slipped again!! I blame it on the morning rain, which left the tiles wet and slippery and plus, I was wearing high heels, and i think that the cafeteria is partly cursed as well, as i didnt fall anywhere else except enroute to the cafeteria, at the cafeteria and enroute back to the department.
So, just as I thought that my day couldn’t possibly get any worse, soon after work, as I was reversing my car out of a tight parking space, and simultaneously, I was muttering to myself about how sore my feet were and how the pain was killing me, and then, CRASH!.. guess what?? I reversed my car into an electric pole….damn!! i swear the electric pole wasnt there when i parked my car!! someone must have shifted the pole.. and placed it right at the back of my damn car.... hahaha....cool excuse huh? i was thinking of using that excuse, if my parents interrogate me about the fresh scratches at the back of my car...luckily it’s just a couple of scratches, but the paint chipped off. Great!! it’s not like my car’s shape isn’t bad enough… now, I’ve added that to my collection of dents and scratches of my poor ole’ car… sob….and luckily my parents’ didn’t notice those scratches or else I’ll be so dead…

And just yesterday, my parents have officially unplugged my streamyx, citing my bros are about to have their major exams soon. So no more internet!! What the..??!! looks like I would have to pay frequent visits to my good ole’ MMU….

Adios,,,,

Thursday, July 14, 2005

racing against time.....

well, people... i'm trying very, very hard to post a new entry here today but how can i possibly blog when i kept getting miscalls from my mum ... she miscalls like every 10 mins since 12.30a.m!! but sad to say... i ignored them all..... muahaha... evil huh?? ... how annoying is that?.... i dont mean to be rude or anything.... but she's trying and forcing me to get to bed right now but it's only 1.15a.m. and it's way before my bedtime... my bedtime is set at the earliest... 3a.m. muahahhahaha... she's trying to get me to practice a more healthy lifestyle i suppose. you know, the sleep early and wake up early kind of thing..and the early bird gets the worm kinda theory... cozz she just couldnt stand my sleeping habits...where i would only wake up after 12p.m.well, i guess i better get my ass up as soon as possible before she comes down... and starts coming up with ridiculous rules such as.... i'll be banned from the computer for an entire week!! trust me.. i know my mum too well by now.... she will say such a thing and impose such a rule.... i mean, dont you guys think that i'm old enough to decide for myself on what my bedtime should be??* ponder*yeah i think so too... but unfortunately not my mum...similary.. i was grounded for a week just simply because i failed to wash and vaccum my car when i was instructed to... and plus to bath my dogs... and as a result of that.. i had to miss the star wars screening session at my friend's house.. damn!! well, i've to admit that i deserved that punishment.. as i've postponed those chores for 2 weeks already!! haaha served me right huh??

this is only part of it.... sometimes i just wished that i would be given more freedom and space to do whatever that i want to do.. of course with limits and to do my own things and of course to make my own decisions... sometimes i just wished that one day she'll wake up and realise that i'm not her little girl anymore... i know that deep in my parents' hearts.. i will always be their little girl even when i'm 40!! hhaha...

i do know and understand their motive behind my curfews.. as the only reason they imposed such restrictions on me is because they fear for my safety especially on occasions where i had to drive home all alone after 12a.m... well... let's just blame it on the rise of crime rates,..and all the uncivilized...sex-crazed.. mentally unsound.. 70% animal and 30% human, potential criminals lurking around in our country and world be it bright day light or after dark....
hey, they are not the only ones who are worried whether i'll reach home safely or not.. i, myself am afraid as well....so.. i'm kinda cool about the curfews..... as i too, do not want to expose myself to unnessecary dangers. and even if i'm allowed to stay out late.... i myself will set a limit for myself.... the curfews are here to stay... who am i kidding.. curfews rock!!

however, i do want and need more space and freedom to make my own decisions and most of all to live my own life.... it's not like i'm not given any freedom at all... i do have the freedom to do my stuff but i just need more of it.. if you guys know what i mean. my mom is a control freak... in my opinion she controls my life a little too much. but at least i'm a little thankful that over the years,she has cut down her control to only 30% which means that now i have a full 70% total control of my life muahahaha....which of course is a good thing...
and almost half of my natural life.. my parents are the ones who made all the decisions for me sometimes even without consulting me first.. ok they must be thinking that i'm just a kid and they are my parents.. they are the ones who brought me into this world....without them there would be no me... they have every right to decide for me...this kind of shit... er.. NOT! well... i'm just quoting what they have told me in the past when i, you know.. rebelled.... ahha....and who am i that they need to consult me first.. but er hello.. it's my life you're talking about......but i just wished that they'll soon realise that i'm old and mature enough to make my own life decisions and i'm certainly able to look after myself.... and they soon will have to learn to trust the decisions made by me and respect those decisions. but as i got older..... i can see and notice that things are getting better...

and dont get me wrong... i'm not always a rebellious kid.... i'm most of the time a very obedient kid..... ahemm.....ahha only sometimes when i felt that the rules set by them are so damn ridiculous.... it's so damn ridiculous to the core i tell you.. and sometimes they would come up with the most unreasonable and the stupidest rule you'll ever heard of....so...when i think that the rules set by them....are way to ridiculous.... and i just couldnt accept such a rule... that's when my rebellious side kicks in.... haha....but trust me... normally... the parents will be the eventual winners.... and after that we'll sit and talk things over like mature adults.....muahaha...*LIKE* and we'll negotiate a few things or two so that both parties will be happy ahaaha....

but nowadays....my parents aint that strict anymore...and they encourage me once in a while to make my own decisions and they'll sort of just sound me on whether the decisions made by me are right or reasonable or not..... so for now.... i'm happy with that little improvement... and they do give me more freedom and space to do my own things without butting in too much....and nowadays i'm given the honour to handle matters on my own...and they are beginning to trust my judgements and
all this while.. my parents have a firm reign of my life.... but i noticed that in these few years.. they're starting to cut down on their control of my life.. which i see it and take it as a good sign.... it's a sign that they are slowly learning to let go....not fully of course.... ahh well, i did complain before about the strict rules and stuff... well.. they told me that as long as i'm living under their roof.. i'll just have to comply with their rules.... but rules are made to be broken right? haha..
i did test my parents' patience before... and i know very well... what the consequences are... so i'll try to be as obedient as possible.... ahaha and i dont plan on moving out till i'm 40 anyways... haha....but then again... no one knows for sure what the future holds...i'm no psychic.... i cant predict what's going to happen in the next ten or twenty years or so...

dont get me wrong... i respect my parents alot as well as their somehow ridiculous rules...... i came to realise that the rules are there for a reason.... same as road rules, the country rules... an stuff...
i guess, without their strict reign of my life... i wouldnt have turn out to be the very person that i am today... with that i'm very thankful.... they were strict for all good reasons... for my own good...

but then again.... it would be a plus if they can see that i'm at the stage of young adulthood and i'm about to enter the working life and i'll be exposed to all sorts of things out there.. both good and bad... and that it's time for me to deal with things and matters on my own.. and that it's time for me to fend for myself.... to be independent... as they will not be there for me for the rest of my life.....
and it's time for them to let me make my own decisions.... be it good or bad decisions.... even if they know that the decision that i'm about to make will harm me or will result in negative consequences... because they will not be able to protect me forever.. if my decision will result in negative consequences then, i'll just have to deal with it and learn from my mistakes.. and with that i'll be made into a wiser and stronger person... i know that most parents do not want to see their children getting hurt and stumble and falter in their lives... but the child, him or herself.... have to learn it the hard way sometimes.... as that stumble, that fall, that mistake.... will be a great life lesson for the child a lesson that the parents could not provide and from that... the child will only learn and improve.
well, it's a cold and harsh world out there........

well.. all in all... my love for my parents is infinite.... i might be very rebellious but i only rebel with a cause... ahha... and the truth is .. i love the way things are now.. my life... my family... my friends....
other than those mentioned above... my parents are kinda cool and wacky in a way..
my parents are mine for keeps... and i wont trade them for anything in the world.. they are irreplaceable...... they are one in a million.... and they are very loving and understanding... and they'll sacrifice basically anything and everything for their kids...
and i guess, they just want what's best for their children and they want to make sure that their kids turn out to be better than them...and to ensure that their kids do not make the same mistakes that they did in the past...

well, talking about sacrifices... just a little additional info... my dad was a cop and he smoked... and it wasnt until my mum was pregnant with me that my dad decided to kick he's smoking habit... and he later decided to pursue a degree in law in the U.K. as there werent many universities that offered law at that time..in malaysia because he wanted to provide a good life and the best life for me and my bros....and he worked his ass off to provide for us and to achieve what he has achieved today.. so. see.. money indeed doesnt drop from heaven.... the great lord above makes sure that all of us work our asses off...
all those instant fame, stardom and richness thing is just a mere fantasy.. mere dream and it's bullshit...
success doesnt come easily.... if you want it.. you will have to work hard for it....

hmm.... surprisingly.. my mum's miscalls have stopped all together... she must have fallen asleep while waiting for me to get to bed.... man.. i'm bad.... ahaha....
well, i better get going...

adios...

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

body searched!!

I'm sure that most of my pals knew that i'm currently working part time as a cashier in tesco malacca. so i dont think i need to elaborate on that. guess what??!! last week, i was short of 50 bucks from my bloody counter!! please dont ask me how on earth did that happen? trust me, i seriously dont know.... i thought i was being very cautious and i counted every single cent that was handed to me by the customers and the change that i gave to the customers in return.... at least twice!! but i have a feeling that this 50 bucks error was a result of a technical error. Because there was this once when i have scanned all the items and after that i pressed "enter" and then "cash" a procedure that has to be done whenever I have finished scanning everything. So, after doing that, i keyed in the amount that i received from the customer... the total to pay was RM50..something but the customer gave me 100 bucks.... so when i keyed in that amount.. and instead of giving me back the change, the stupid computer thought the 100 bucks was a product and added it to the total that the customer had to pay... so .. after trying a few times.... the computer screen still showed me the same bloody thing. so, as the customer was getting agitated.. i then decided to take matters in my own hands..... trying to be a smart ass that is.... i rescanned everything all over again and my mistake was, i failed to void the first receipt. so as a result of that, the cash received didnt tally with the sales. the journal showed that 2 transactions were made but on the other hand there was only 1 transaction. in layman terms, it was like as if there were 2 customers but there was only cash received from 1 customer. so that was how the 50 bucks short problem cropped up. plus, i thought that i was too smart to call for assistance.. until when it was time for closing... and when the section manager came to check the sales for the day, he noticed that my till aka drawer was 50 bucks short.. and he suspected and assumed that i stole that bloody 50 bucks...
so, he summoned the security guards and ordered that i shall be body searched.... what the fcuk??! then at first i thought.... ok it wouldnt be that bad you know.... as i'm definitely not guilty of stealing that money... so it should be ok....right? i mean, i stood for 6 hours straight, scanning items and carrying heavy stuff like rice, weights.. you know.. those weights that guys used to buff their muscles up.. those things were damn bloody heavy. and plus... i was the only person at my counter... so i had to scan and pack all by myself... and i must do it fast and accurate because there was already a bee line at my counter. and plus... there were a few section managers who were monitoring our every move.... so i guess you guys can imagine how stressed up i was... i didnt even have the time to catch my breath or to take a sip of water or needless to say to attend to my nature call and i didnt even have the time to sit down.. and they thought that i had the bloody time to steal their money!! sheesh... why dont those people get a life!! i'm a person of principles and ethics.... i definitely know and can differentiate what is right or wrong. i've been raised that way ever since i can talk.hehe...
i worked damn hard for that 6 bloody hours.. with all the enthusiasm in the world and i even took the trouble to greet and smile at each and every customer....yeah most of you must be thinking that man.... did i actually have the time to do that? but yeah we, cashiers have to you know...it's part and parcel of our job. and at the end of the day, all i hoped for was to go home and rest my tired feet, eyes, arms, back and my brain...mind you.... by the time all the customers went back, it was already around 12 a.m. and i didnt even take my dinner cozzz i had a late lunch and i wasnt hungry... so i just chowed down a glass of milo and some fruits before i departed for tesco.. and you guys can imagine that with all those energy used up.... i was damn hungry and starving to the extent that i thought i was going to drop dead anytime... i could actually feel the energy sipping away from my tired and bruised body... and plus.... i even sprained my right pinky... you know..our little finger while i carried the bloody weights....
and my eyes were a little blood shot as i was damn tired....i always do get blood shot eyes whenever i'm tired or when i used my eyes a little too much...
and i worked at top speed that day.... i've never worked at such a fast pace in my entire freaking life before... and whoever who has this perception that cashiers are nobodys..... that they are just a bunch of school dropouts or just mere SPM holders and the reason that they are working as cashiers is because they are idiots and they failed to qualify for universities..
and those of you who have the assumption that cashiering is easy....well THINK AGAIN! well, most cashiers might be just school dropouts and spm holders.... and they might be less intelligent..... but we must respect cashiers and appreciate what they are doing.. cozzz trust me.... cashiering is not that easy as it seems.... it is a damn bloody intense job i tell you......
i, myself have never felt so much intensity and tension and stress in my entire life before... cashiering cannot be compared to exams at all...... exams are nothing..... i used to think that exams are the killers.... you know.... but after this experience.... i would tell you that exams are just like a piece of cake....peanuts..... easy! well not so... haha.... cozzz in exams if you couldnt answer a question..... you would still have other questions to help you to score... it's definitely not the same in cashiering..... you cannot afford the slightest mistake at all... none.... 0% error! if there's any error.... then you'll have either shortages or excesses in your till and i tell you... that wouldnt be good when your section manager finds out..... you'll be accused of stealing the shortages.... just like my very own case! and they wouldnt care whatever your lame reasons are....
once your till has quite a large sum of shortages.. then you are subjected to be body searched!!

ok so back to my case...so when the security guards escorted me to the investigation room.... i was totally shocked when they asked me to strip completely..... yeah.. COMPLETELY including my undergarments!! and who on earth would be that stupid to just follow the orders blindly??!! i totally refused to follow their orders.. it's not like i was guilty of stealing that 50 bucks.... and that was why i refused to strip.... it was more to my dignity and principles.... i mean... i dont even strip infront of my mum, other than during my infant and toddler days and it was only because i was too young and helpless to clean and dress myself up....well..... come to think of it...i guess the only time that i was completely naked infront of strangers was the day that i was born... hehe

get a grip man.... and now... i've to strip infront of some female security guards??! it's definitely a big NO from me.... and when i just sat there and showed my pouty, angry and teary face... refusing to follow the orders....in came some bloody male guards... yelling and threatening me..... what the fcuk again!! they were like demanding that i strip right now or else they would bring me to the cops and the female cops would body search me instead...well being a hard head .. i told them this.. straight in their angry faces.... "NO! as this is something that i'll NEVER DO!!!!" "as it's so against my principles". actually, it was supposed to be a very simple procedure.. and it would probably take only like 5 minutes......that is if you co-operate with them and strip immediately when you are ordered to of course.....but i dragged it on for about 1 and a half hours!! ha ha serve them right....well.... i can be very stubborn and very difficult when i want to.... especially when i feel that my rights have been violated by the bunch of bloody security guards.......

then i requested that i want to call my parents first.... but guess what.... they even refused to let me contact my parents to inform them about the incident. i told the guards that i want to inform my parents about this and to tell them that i might be back late... but they still didnt allow me to call... so fine.....

and they were telling me that if i really didnt take the money then i should be able to strip when i'm ordered to...it's as if i was hiding the money somewhere that i refused to strip.....what the fcu... ok enough with the swears already.... haha..... and i told them that i wouldnt do anything until i'm allowed to contact my parents....but sadly they still refused..... so.. then i asked that whether it's ok for me to pay the 50 bucks myself and skip the stripping thing... then they said.... NO.... they told me that even if i offered 5 thousand bucks they would still say NO..... damn.... they didnt even want my money so fine....they kept telling me that it is their company policy and stuff.. utter bull!!
Then, i told them that it wasnt my intention and motive from the start to come to tesco to work and then to steal their bloody money. i told them that the word STEAL is never in my dictionary..!! well...honestly i might have told a few white lies or so throughout my life BUT only to save my ass and to get my ass out of trouble.... i mean come on..... you readers out there....i'm sure all of you have told a few white lies now and then right.... nobody's perfect.... nobody's a saint.... nobody's this holy and religious and a goody two shoes that they didnt even tell a single lie before in their entire life! if someone comes up to me and tells me that he or she has not told a single lie before in their entire life.. then it's total BULLSHIT!! in fact that person who tells me this is in fact telling a lie straight into my face....if any of you readers know a friend or anyone that really has not told a single lie before... please bring him or her to me and introduce that fella to me..... i would really love to meet that fella... i'm sure even the late pope, john paul the 2nd might have told a lie before.....

ok... back to the story.....i told them that i came to tesco to work and to gain new exposures and experiences and to learn new things and at the same time to contribute to their company as well and plus of course to earn some xtra pocket money.... as i was so sick of just staying at home and just let my natural intelligence and talents to go to waste....ahhemmmmm! haha. i seriously love learning new things as i'm a type of person who will get bored easily after doing the same things repetitively..... i need.... new challenges... new adventures.....i need to feed my brain with new information every now and then.... it's the only way that i can keep my brain alive!! that's why i totally love reading! not textbooks of course....haha.... i basically read everything other than my textbooks.... i read cereal boxes, posters on the walls... basically i'll just read anything and everything with words....
so... some of you might ask me whether, will i go back to cashiering again someday... after i've gotten over this incident....the answer is NO.... cozzz... honestly... i'm getting sick of it already.. haha... and it has only been a mere 3 weeks... haha... i swear that if i ever have to hand out anymore vouchers.. i'll seriously go mental!!

ok.....so there i was sitting in a corner refusing to follow orders....telling them that i wouldnt do anything until my parents are contacted....until there was this bloody guard who shouted at me telling me that on the count to three..... if i still refused to follow the orders than, he would call the cops.... so.... fine... he counted.... 1..... 2........2 and a half... 2 and a 3 quarters...................."OK... WHatever.. FINE!! I'll do it" i said. so there goes my body search.. but i managed to negotiate with the female guard to conduct only a 50% body search which means that she'll do it part by part and i was allowed to cover it with my t-shirt..... when i was asked to remove my underwear eventhough i had my t-shirt to cover..... i just couldnt stop the tears from flowing.. as it was so damn fcuking embarassing and humiliating....
so there.... that's my body search story... and after that i was asked to write a report..... damn!!

so, after the incident, when i entered my car and checked my phone, i saw a total of 20 freaking miscalls.... and all of them were from my parents...... cozzz i was supposed to be back by 12.30a.m. and it was already 2a.m. and there was still no signs of me... i guess they were worried sick!! who wouldnt be? they must have thought that maybe i was involved in a car accident or i was kidnapped or i was raped and stuff..so.. when i finally reached home.... and told my parents about the whole incident, they were kinda pissed off with the guards..... but after they have sort of cooled down a little... they started lecturing and scolding me instead on how could i be so careless and they even scolded me on my part for trying to be a smart ass and for not asking for assistance when i encountered such problems..... well...... i do have to admit that, the shortage is fully my mistake, my own carelessnesss......i've no one else to blame but myself for my own silliness and serious lack of judgement and for being so ignorant about the subsequent consequences..should i add my stupidity? haha... well, i guess the problem with me is that i always assume that i'm greater and smarter than anyone.. and that i wouldnt seek for assistance when i needed asssistance the most.... i always assumed that i've the inborn ability to handle matters on my own....and i dont need anyone's assistance.... well, looks like i have to learn it the hard way... i have the thirst for learning but this is one bloody painful lesson to be learned. i'll swallow my pride take the lesson i guess... i suppose that i'm left with no choice. it's a do or die thing you know.... life is a continuous learning process.... if you stop learning....it's as if you stop living all together. i guess i need to broaden up my mind and learn to take in criticisms and learn to learn from others and the most important lesson of all... is to learn to not think too highly of myself......... if you people know what i mean.... ahaha... self confidence is a good thing.... too much of it can actually harm, drown and even kill you.... haha...

but i really think that it is absolutely absurd and ridiculous to ask or shall i say force someone to strip completely. i mean.. yeah... it might be the company policy and all... and the guards were like telling me that they wouldnt force me to strip. it's either i strip or i dont. and if i dont.... then they'll call the cops... yeah right... there they told and assured me that they wouldnt force me to strip but there they were yelling on top of their lungs and threatening me to strip.... they are just a bunch of bloody hypocrites.. hypocrites.... they are everywhere...aint they?? the more i tried to avoid hypocrites in this life of mine... more of them are popping up everywhere like mushrooms....well, i guess there are certain things in life which i cannot avoid.. so.. i guess.. i just have to bear with it. again, it's part and parcel of life.....

i'm damn sure that if the management really made an effort to put their heads together to think of a better solution for shortages or theft in their company.. they would have definitely came up with something better... something that wouldnt... u know... subject their employees to shame, embarassment and humiliation. maybe they can have an x-tray scanner to scan for the money or something like that...something that wouldnt require their employees to strip completely... including their undergarments... i know that some other shopping malls.. would ask their cashiers to pay whatever shortages that they have.... i think that might be a better solution. and when the cashiers know that they would have to pay for their own carelessness. i'm sure the cashiers would be more careful with their till aka drawer's money.

after that incident.... do you guys think that i would still continue to work there??!! after all the bloody shame and humiliation that i have been subjected to?? it's a total NO NO!! at first i thought... that if i'm innocent... why on earth should i quit right? only the guilty ones quit... and that maybe i should continue working to prove that i'm innocent and that it was just some lame technical error....and to prove to them that i could be a good cashier.... but after some deep thinking and opinion searching.. i thought.... heck NO!! the embarassment is just so totally unbearable!! the scar is there.....what is done is done.... what i've gone through.. is through... and i had to face the bloody guards who watched me strip and who threatened me every damn day!! everyone in the cashiering department knows that i went through a 100% body search!! and whenever they see me.. they would give me a weird sort of stare as if to say.. "that's the girl who just went for a complete body search" it so fcuking embarassing! and i cant swallow it any longer.... all i can say is that well i tried to put it behind me and move on.... but sorry...the memories of it is still haunting me..... the image of that incident is still very clear in my head..
some people told me that... why the hell should you care what people think of you?? and if they want to stare.... that's their freaking problem anyways... yeah they might be true in a way....
and my parents too on the other hand think that it's best that i resign cozzz... i certainly didnt deserve to be treated the way they treated me that day... the way that i was treated was as if i was guilty of murder of the first degree. u know.... like in the movies where the suspect refused to co-operate... then the cops start to bash them up.. well.. i swear. one of the male guards almost slapped me that day....as i was being damn stubborn... haha well that's me.. and no one can change that...

well, right after the incident i smsed my section manager... and told him about the whole thing....
well, before i tell you what he advised me to do.. let's just say that we, the cashiers can discuss basically anything and everything with him....and anytime.. even at 3a.m. in the morning... at least that was what i did haha...well, he told me that he too believe that i didnt steal the money and that i was innocent but right after the shortage was discovered.. he hurriedly searched my dustbin and basically every nook and corner of my counter to see whether i have stashed the money anywhere or not.... another bloody hypocrite....... i hate hypocrites so much but i just have to meet them almost everyday in my life!! sheesh...
and he told me to treat this incident as a lesson and that i would never get such an experience in university!! and that with this experience.... i'll be made into a better person... what the shit is he talking about anyways??!! hell yeah!! who the hell wants such a traumatizing experience!! honestly, i rather not have such an experience!! and he asked me to take it easy and that it was a very, very normal case!! if that's normal that what the heck is abnormal?? have sex with the guards to prove your innocence??!! sheesh..... and he told me that i gave up too easily without a fight... and that i surrendered before i lose..... well, seriously after that incident.... i feel that there's nothing for me to fight for anymore and i dont have the passion and the motivation to work there anymore........
what's more.... i think i dont have to prove to them anything!!

ok... i'm damn pissed off right now..... the only therapy for me is to think happy thoughts..... haa...... and one of my self assurance thought is that i'll be leaving in.. er today's thursday.....so.. 5 days time!! yeay.... bye bye sad place!!

well, honestly, working as a cashier is not really that bad at all... it's only when you experienced such a thing only all the negative thoughts and vibes will surround you. i was pretty much a damn happy kid when i started working as a cashier in Tesco. All the section leaders were a nice and helpful bunch of people and the other cashiers were really friendly. i actually was beginning to love cashiering....but unfortunately.... all my love for it has ebbed away........ so sad.....
Cashiering can indeed be fun.. it was during my days as a cashier that i managed to meet my super old friends and schoolmates... and even ex-school teachers.... it was sort of like a reunion gathering for me.....and everyday.. i sort of looked forward to go to work because i was hoping that i would meet more of my old and long lost friends and of course i was kinda proud to be part of the cashiering team. but all of those have to end now....

Life goes on.... yet again for me.... i guess i better speed up on my job searching process.. or else i might end up doing nothing again for a very long time. but i might try to apply to be a nursery teacher as my mum told me that there are lots of nurseries in malacca.. looking for teachers. yeap, looks like that's my destination to be..... nurseries... here i come!! and yeay, i'll get to bully small kids and make them cry.......ahahaa...

goodbye tesco...... hello nurseries!!

i'm trying very hard to better myself every single day. such an incident is something that i truly need to know that i'm not perfect.. and to discover what my weaknesses are.....and to learn from my mistakes and to ensure that such downfalls do not happen again....i guess, i still have lots to learn... in this life of mine.... whatever it is....whatever challenges.... whatever obstacles.....both good or bad..i'll welcome them all with open arms.....

well, now that i have cooled down a little....i'm beginning to see the incident from a different point of view and angle....overall, i think this is quite a valuable lesson to be learned..... something that i'll er....... cherish?? for the rest of my life?? ahha.....

that's all for now.... till then.....