A Place for my Head: August 2005

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Thank you

"Just when you think you're about to fall, someone throws you a rope and hauls you back up to safety. Thank goodness you've got friends and allies like these. Make sure you thank them"

This is my horoscope from friendster today. Just as much as i doubt horoscopes and never believe that it's ever true.. somehow, these few words managed to catch my eyes and attention.

So, i just want to grab this opportunity to thank everyone who has been so ever supportive....

enough said....

O, since a few of you asked me who is this Freddy Krueger guy... *eyes rolling*

I'll tell you who he is.Well, Freddy Krueger is a guy aka monster who will appear out of thin air upon being summoned. In order for you to summon him to life, it's pretty simple.... All you have to do is just call out his name three times. Like this " Freddy Krueger, Freddy Krueger, Freddy krueger!"....... *silence*. hmm.... nothing.... maybe he's asleep or he's off holidaying somewhere across the pacific ocean.... haaaha.. You guys can try to summon him if you like. ANd if he really did appear, please take a picture of him for me... haha..O, wait, on the other hand, most likely you wont be able to if he really does appear.... hahahaa...

Anyways, the myth or story is that, when you called out his name three times, then this "Freddy Krueger" will appear and slash you thirteen times and even maybe to thirteen pieces.
Scary huh? ..... NOT!

I spent my entire day in my company's store yesterday. I was in there to check all the stocks that have been shipped in. I was supposed to check to make sure that the stocks are there and they are being placed in the right location and that to make sure that the quantity is correct. The store looks exactly like a library where there are rows and rows of shelves which are a few feet high. But of course, instead of books, these shelves are filled with capacitors, diodes, PCBs, and so on and so forth. i had fun that day, climbing up and down the ladder, and checking out and exploring all those cool stuffs, albeit it's damn dangerous, as one slip and i'll come crashing down to the ground which was at least, two to three feet away and i'll definitely break a bone in my body. Although, i almost slipped and lost my balance for a few uncountable times, luckily i managed to grab hold of something before my notorious fall which will definitely be made public... and i'll definitely be famous....Instant fame... hmm.. i totally love it... ahaha....

For the past couple of days, we had a Finnish (someone from Finland) customer with us. He brought with him a whole lot of yummy chocolates from Finland. Yummy! He's a very nice guy and friendly too.

I so badly want to watch "STOMP"... it's some sort of a musical where the musicians will be creating music out of basic household items...like, spoons, rubbish bins, plates, etc etc. The musical will be held at the Istana Budaya. And those musicians are supposed to be damn good. But I dont think i can attend the musical, partly due to my work commitments and the price of the tickets.

I'm now a great big fan of METALLICA!! i've just recently discovered their huge talent!! haahha... though it's a tad late right?? ahaha. They truly ROCK!! i tell you!!....... I totally love their songs!! I'm currently downloading all their albums haha...

On the contrary, i'm also addicted to BUSTED..... all thanks to my bro, andre's girlfriend...
at first i thought they are just some cheesy punk rock band wannabe.... but after listening to their albums, i find that they are actually quite good. I've so far listened to all their albums for the tenth times.... haha and i still cannot get enough of them!! You guys must listen to their songs as well. It's all good.....

I'm trying my very best to exercise whenever i can.. as i really need to shed off my excess fat... which has been accumulating even more ever since i set foot in that company... I try to jog at least twice a week now.....

O, that day when i went to the movies with my buds, at MP of course, we met the movie, "Gol and Gincu"'s main actor. At first we noticed a huge crowd of girls surrounding a man.. and at first we wondered who the hell is that until we matched his face with the face on the "gol and gincu"'s poster... He's damn cute!

that's all for now...
till then...
adios.....

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

whatever man... whatever...

i'm so freaking bummed and burned out these few days. i'm now working from 7.55am till 7pm EVERDAY!! I'm so tired both physically and mentally! Normally, by the time i reached home, i dont have the mood to do anything else but to sleep... I know that it's insane for me to be even saying this...... but I'm thinking of resigning.... as i dont think that i can take it any longer. and YES it has only been a month!...... well, honestly, i'm getting kind of sick of my job. i'm sick of living the life that i'm living.... if you know what i mean...i dont even have the space and time to do my normal stuff. Everyday, i dread going to work, as i dread having to face the sky high pile of unfinished work and if my calculations are right, that pile of work will stay unfinished..... Those people kept adding the " to do list" on my freaking desk"My daily time table(except saturdays and sundays) is something like this...

6a.m.- wake up.......... 7.25am.. leave for work.... 7.45a.m. till 10a.m.-work, work,work....10a.m to 10.10a.m--breakfast.... 10.15am to 1pm-work, work, work....1pm to 1.30pm-lunch...1.3opm to 7pm WORK, WORK, WORK!.... 7.30pm-back home.... 7.45pm-help out mum in the kitchen...8pm-dinner.....8.45pm-read the papers......9.30pm-watch a little bit of t.v..... 10pm-bath.... 10.30pm-lights out or should I say.. CONKED out!! see..... WELCOME TO MY LIFE!

but, after giving myself a reality check... i know that it's impossible for me to quit. the first fellas who will object my decision to quit will be my parents. To them, i'm working for an extremely good company and that i should stick with it and that i should NEVER blow this opportunity, as good companies are hard to find these days. oh well, i guess they're right.

And do you know what's my worse nightmare in that company. a nightmare that's far worse than, Freddy Krueger or that fella from the movie "Ring", yups that fella who combs her hair in the most eerie manner and that fella who crawls out of your t.v. screen although common sense will scream at you that, that's so IMPOSSIBLE. But actually, they dont scare me at all....hahaha..
a nightmare that's far worse than dreaming about your own death or the death of those who are most dear to you... enough said... you know what...... you know what...

THat nightmare is... having your swiss head of your department, coming to your desk, almost every alternate day, and whispering these few words " audrey, i expect 0% error from you" *mouth hanging*. how on earth do you expect me to enjoy my job when you have this creep who keeps whispering.. the no error nonsense all the time??!! can you imagine the amount of pressure i felt every single damn day? it's like there's a load on your shoulders but you just couldnt shake it off..... yes, that bad.... but according to my other colleagues, it's due to the fact that i'm new in the company... and it seems that, that "swiss boss" did that to all new employees, so that the new employees will be aware of what is expected from them and until we have proved ourselves that we're worthy to be in that company......well, i guess i'll be cool with it as long as that whispers will come to an end very soon.

another nightmare working in that company, has got to be that BITCH!! She AINT my supervisor and she Aint my boss.... she's just my superior..and she LOVES torturing me.... SHe loves coming over to my desk and mutter her favourite phrase "audrey, what are you doing?, O, you're doing the BOM( bill of materials) list? are you free? NO arh?.. then nevermind, i want you to do this for me now..." throwing a thick stack of documents on my already full desk... what the Fcuk!!!!!! and what on earth do you people expect me to say? NO?......i dont think she'll take NO for an answer. so, like a good obedient dog, i just followed her orders..... pathetic..... and she just loves sucking up to those german, and swiss bosses....oh well, i dont blame her.... once a bitch will always be a bitch.....i forgive her.... hehehe

Oh well, other than those 2 creeps....and my never ending pile of work.... i love my life there. My colleagues are super nice...which i've discovered.... is for real. As long as i'm in the department, working, my mouth and my teeth will be working as well. those people in my department never stop eating i tell you. every alternate day, someone will bring in pringles or currypuffs, or biscuits or fruits or ice-creams or chocolates or sweets for all in the department to chow down. cool huh? The best working day and my favourite day has got to be fridays. It's not because that it's the end of my working week, it's because fridays are usually "party" days....we practically eat the whole day!! haha..but of course we get our work done as well. let's see, so far i've been treated to US Pizza, Secret recipe cake, KFC..... etc.... damn cool man.... I love the gossips and jokes which are usually shared during break times..... haaha....

well, we must always measure the costs against the benefits right? well, so far, till this day, the benefits of working in that company outweighs the costs..... so i guess, i'll just stick to this company ...... for now.....
actually, if my workload is not that heavy, i kinda love my job... haha....
O and i truly, appreciate my saturdays and sundays even more now as the weekends are perfect for me to recuperate and sort of to gear me up for another long working week.

see, what working life can do to a person? it'll turn you into a boring and no life freak! haaha.... that's why the only thing that i blogged about these days is about work.. work..work.... and if this keeps up, i'll have ZERO readers... maydey... maydey.... zero readers alert....muahahahaha

P.S. to all my fellow readers out there, rest assured that this might be my last post about my job....I'll try my best to post some more interesting entries in the near future....

till then..
adios.....

Thursday, August 11, 2005

a friend in need is a friend indeed.

well, now is really a good time to see for myself who my true friends are as i deal with this ordeal of mine. Friends are supposed to be there for you, through thick and thin, through good times and bad times. You may have tonnes of friends but out of that tonnes of friends, how many are actually your true friends, friends who are concern about you and care for you, and will watch your back just as you watch theirs. Friendship evolves around a simple word "TRUST".True friends will stand by you in good times and bad times, in sickness and in health, rich or poor, bla bla bla, till death do us part... well, it sure sounds like the wedding oath, aint it? well, I personally think that, that vow and oath can be applied to friendships as well.
I too know that inspite of the presence of true friends, there are also the type of "friends" who only wants to be around you during the good times and when you're having some rough times in life, you can hardly even see their shadows. They're gone like the wind. They sort of disappeared to Godknows where. They're MIA( MIssing In ACtion). There are too "friends" that are such a bunch of fakers and posers. There are "friends" who are nothing more than opportunists and backstabbers.
Some "friends" will only give you a call whenever they needed a favour.... and they'll never do you a favour in return when you needed it...some friends huh?

one thing's for sure, i'll definitely cherish and appreciate those genuine friends.. as it's damn hard to get such friends these days. well, i dont intend to whine about this friendship shit. If you ask me, it's damn immature, such a waste of time and childish of me to be even blogging about this right now. i've more pressing matters to think about and to deal with. here are some of them:

1) i seriously need to get a hair cut.
2) I need to get my eyes rechecked, as i'm starting to get blurred vision again.
3) damn, i'm getting fat.
4) i need more sleep!! 5 hours of it is DEFINITELY not sufficient..
5) Is wacko jacko innocent or guilty?
6) have i bathed my dogs? the obvious answer is NO!!
7) where the hell is osama bin laden??
8) understand the minds of osama, saddam, suicide bombers and the entire al-qaedda crew.

9)why aint anyone doing anything about the goddamn traffic lights, that are from the first turning out of my housing area's junction right up to the EON building. Those damn lights have EXTREMely bad timing, and every morning when i leave for work, which is between 7.25a.m. to 7.30a.m., i've to deal with the jam. Imagine, the first time the lights turned green,no movement at all; second, slight movement, and if you're lucky you'll get pass the lights the third time. occasionally there might be a traffic cop, directing the traffic. but the cop too was MIA today. well, maybe he was there, but he was overshadowed by the thick haze. ahhahaha and the traffic lights around the free trade zone in batu berendam are always 2 minutes long!!

10) my workload in the office is piling up sky high, damn stressful and bummed out!!

11) the cafeteria's food kept repeating... i had rojak in 2 weeks!!.... but then again.... i shouldnt complain...

well, as you can see, i've got my hands full. But an incident prompted me to start you know, thinking about this. and it involved people who i assumed all this while as my close friends. it happened when i met these friends of mine online. here are two samples of the conversation which took place last night... well, if you guys can even call it a conversation at all.... that is....well, here goes....
O, i wont be putting in their real names of course as I'm sure that you guys know these people.

me: whassup
avril lavigne: hi
me: how's life?
avril: ..............
me: Congratulations!!
avril:...........
me: how's work?
avril:............
me: er hello?
me: are you there??
me: u DC or something??
avril:................
BUZZ!
avril: avril lavigne has signed out. all your messages will be sent as offline messages.. somethin' like that......

what the......??

second example....

me:hello whassup?
pamela anderson:..............
me: are you there?
pamela:...................
me: hello?
pamela: pammie anderson has signed out.

ok here are the two chats that took place last night.......

If at all so, that avril was busy and she gotta go, will it kill her in anyways to just say "hey gotta go. bye" will it??? please tell me....

and about pammie anderson, i have no idea what's up with her. it's either she's not at her desk at that particular moment or somethin' i dont know. it's funny though, if she wasnt at her desk? how on earth could she signed off?? or maybe who on earth signed off for her or maybe what?? SPOOKY!!! Now that's amazing!!

guess what? i've just been DISSED by my very own 2 close friends!! what the shit was that all about?? can someone please enlighten me on that?? maybe not....

anyways, i just couldnt give a damn about those 2 people. if they want to be so immature, rude and childish!! GO GET A LIFE!!!!
at least now i know what sort of people they really are....
i saw their true colours that day..... i saw their hidden stripes.....
bloody two headed snakes!!
I'm not gonna sink to their level as that'll only make me worse than them!!!
I wish the both of them all the best.........

can anyone save me from such people?

pLEASE??

here we go again,,,,,

so where was I? right.... the true friends thingy....

ok, that 2 sample chats were only the tip of the iceberg.

other than those who bothered to call and to have a chat or to show their concern and to give their support, I've not heard or gotten a sms or call from the rest of my pals. it's funny, because, if my good ole' memory serves me right... they used to call me for movies, sports, hang out and stuff and sometimes even for a simple chat.

it even saddens me more when a close friend of mine, whom, i've known for 8 long years have not even bothered to call.

Where are they now when i NEED them the most??

oh well.....

*most likely they must be thinking that O, she's feeling depressed and down and sad and emo.
we better not call and just leave her alone and let her chill by herself....man...
if we call her, she'll bite our heads off.........*

This is the lamest reason that you people can give me ok.

Or maybe they only mingle with those who succeeds and to hell with those who failed

alrighty then...

Oh well, i wont be bugged by this for long... like i've said, i DO NOT have the time to be bogged down by such a small and silly issue like this. my workload at the office is enough to kill me. and to make matters worse, the damn department's air conditioner is still not functioning.... it has not been functioning for 3 damn days already!! The department is so hot and stuffy and we only have a miserable stand fan and there has got to be a BITCH in my department to make my life a living hell!

well, I'll be so over it by the time i hit the"publish button"

well, just a little piece of advise for those who are in the same shoes as i am right now. though i know that i'm not in the postition to offer anyone any advise. who the hell cares?

my Poem

failing an exam is NOT the end of the world.
if you feel like taking your own life or somethin'
please HOLD ON as life has SO much to offer.
we are still young,
there's so much that we can do and have yet to do...
no matter how tight a situation we are in,
just remember that there are always loopholes which we can wriggle ourselves out!
there are always second chances,
there's always a tomorrow,
the earth will continue to spin,
the sun will continue to shine,
keep your chin up and hold your head high.

Tomorrow!!

The sun will come out tomorrow,
Bet your bottom dollar that,
Tomorrow there’ll be sun!
Just thinking about tomorrow,
Clears away the cobwebs and,
The sorrow till there’s none.
When I’m stuck with a day,
That’s gray and lonely,
I just stick out my chin and say,
And grin and say:
Oh! The sun will come out tomorrow
So, you got to hang on till tomorrow
Come what may!
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow,
You’re always a day away!

“Tomorrow”- from Annie, the musical.

Man I just totally love this song. An all time classic and inspiring too.

P.S. I managed to catch the musical, when I was in genting with my family. The musical rocks!!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

man's best friend

me and my pup, spike...

me in shades..

I've no idea how on earth to post ,my picture at the profile section... so i guess i'll just post it here... muahahaa...

cool eyy?? maybe not? i still think that it's cool though.... haha

imperfect world.

we are living in an imperfect world... nothing's sugar coated.. nothing's perfect.... and nothing's free. everything comes with a price. if the world's perfect.. why are there still wars raging in countries all over the world? why are people still dying of hunger? why are there murders and rapes? noone can answer these long unanswered questions... and it seemed that these questions will remain unanswered for a long, long time....

well, in my case, i saw my world crumbling right infront of my very own eyes. i seriously didnt see it coming and didnt expect it to happen. well, i sure hope that i'll be able to glue back those broken, crumbled pieces back together very soon and get back up on my feet...

Lesson learned: blurness may seem harmless at times.. but it might actually kill you!!

easier to run

It's easier to run,
Replacing this pain with something numb,
It's so much easier to go,
Than face all this pain here all alone.

If I could change I would.
take back the pain I would.
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would.
If I could stand up and take the blame I would.
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would.

Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back.
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past.

Just washing it aside,
All of the helplessness inside,
Pretending I don't feel misplaced,
It's so much simpler than change.

and yet...

If I could change I would,
Take back the pain I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,
If I could stand up and take the blame I would,
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would.

I would take all my shame to the grave.

source: "Easier to Run" from Linkin Park's Meteora album.

This is basically how i'm feeling right now..... damn bloody depressed!!

note: most of my close pals already knew about my downfall... and i asked ALYL to inform the others. I wonder if she did... anyways... I'm very sorry for not informing you guys earlier about it as i too was caught by suprise as i only knew about that bad news about two weeks before the ceremony. and yes i know that i should have informed you guys earlier but i'm yet to grasp what has happened and i didnt want to spread the word around and initially, i didnt even want to inform anyone. trust me, this kind of thing is nothing to be proud of.......and it shouldnt be spread around like any other brad pitt and jennifer anniston and angelina jolie gossip.

It has been very hard for me, my parents and my family and maybe even my friends..... but thankfully, all of them has been vey understanding and supportive.

I would like to express my gratitude to my buddy, TTSL, for listening and advising me the other day. i would like to thank the other 2 angels as well.... you know who you are...for showing concern. thanks. Life wouldnt be the same without you guys. I truly appreciate it.

well, the good news is that I'm still employed.

well, i guess i'll just have to take things as it is and make the best out of it. there's no point in sucking and whinning over it. what's done is done. what's past is past. what's sunk cost is sunk cost. there's no use in crying over spilt milk. i'll put the past behind me and move forward. that's the best solution and the best and only option that i have right now. life goes on yet again..eyy.....

CONGRATULATIONS to those who made it!!

Hakuna Matata!

awesome!!

well.. here's something from one of my friend's boyfriend's blog. I have yet to ask for his permission though. But i sure hope that he's cool with it. hey, if by any chance you or your girlfriend reads my blog, please dont get mad at me for quoting one of your works ok. I'm just sharing your interesting post with my other friends..., which i very well deemed it as VERY.. VERY interesting indeed. hehe.. Hey, you should be honoured as your piece of work is the very first that i've quoted, thus far, and i felt that it's worth quoting and sharing. As i dont really like quoting people's work. Originality is the best policy right? Well, since i dont have the skills to come up with this picasso equivalent of work aka art.. then.. man i think that your work is so worth quoting and it shouldnt be missed by anyone.
WARNING: Please do not attempt to read if you have a WEAK heart or SENSITIVE eyes .... hehe....

So here goes:

Fuck Luck

"Fucking fucker fucking did a fucking emergency break and can even fucking admit that he was 2 fucking inches away from the fucking car in front of him so I fucking hit him from the back and fucking damaged the whole fucking front of my fucked up car while his fucking car was fucking unscratched.
As if losing my fucking wallet isn't fucking bad enough; as if fucking getting problems from my fucking industrial training company (which i fucking CHOSE to go to); as if fucking cutting my thumb and finding that a fucking 2-3mm thick, 8mm in diameter piece of meat was on the other side of the fucking blade; as if my fucking luck isn't fucking bad enough; I had to fucking kiss a fucking fucker's fucking car from the back.
And if THAT's not enough... My dad HAD to fucking give me a fucking lecture. FFFUUUCCCKKK!!! WHEN WILL THIS FUCKING BAD LUCK STREAK FUCKING GO AWAY??!! WHEN THE FUCK WILL I FUCKING GET A FUCKING BREAK?!!!
*Edit* - Fuck counter: 36 (excluding the one that says "fuck counter". And the one I last said). If you find the entry above difficult to read, try removing instances of the word "fuck". Arrgh...37."

**Please note that these are his exact words and nothing has been changed or whatsoever... so enjoy...

a true tongue twister indeed. try to say the whole thing fast and you'll die of laughter.. haha

what an interesting way to desribe one's string of bad lucks huh?? well, i guess that to a certain extent, if anyone of us is hit by such bad luck(s) in our lives...we'll certainly reach the ultimate point of extremity to express our anger and to vent out whatever hatred or disapointment that we have inside us.

I, myself, have been hit by a big tsunami of disapointment lately...i'll tell you guys more about it in my next post.

thanks yeah.. Mr. kakashin aka TTS.